The Adventures of Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect
by Link and Luigi
Summary: Welcome to the Amazing Adventures of Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect! In this collection, Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect will attempt to complete an assortment of tasks given to them. Isn't that grand?
1. Mission 1: Trick Or Treat On A Day That ...

The Amazing Adventures of Aragog

And the Ravenclaw Prefect

Welcome to the Amazing Adventures of Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect!  In this collection, Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect will attempt to complete an assortment of tasks given to them by YOU, the readers!  Isn't that grand?  We'll start it off.

Mission #1

Go Trick-Or-Treating When It Is NOT Halloween

"I don't know, Aragog!  I don't think I want to come out in this costume." The Ravenclaw Prefect called from behind the bathroom door.

Aragog was standing there in his pumpkin costume waiting for the Ravenclaw Prefect to emerge.  "Come on, Ravenclaw Prefect." He said.  "This isn't something that I can just do by myself."

"Oh very well Aragog!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he came out of the bathroom dressed as a Slytherin Prefect.  "I'm a SLYTHERIN Prefect!  Aren't I scary?"

Aragog stared at the Ravenclaw Prefect for a minute.  "Put on that OTHER costume that you had in there."

"Fine…" said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he went back in the bathroom and then changed into his pirate costume.  But he left his Prefect badge on just in case a little Ravenclaw first year needed help finding his or her way around.  Then they were ready to go!!

"Where should we go first?" Aragog asked the Ravenclaw Prefect as the two of them walked down the hall.

"We can't go to Ravenclaw because they all know me there." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "So let's go to Gryffindor since that's where all the people with names are!"

"ALL RIGHT!!!" cheered Aragog as they shuffled down the hall to the fat lady picture and knocked on it.

After waiting for a minute or two, the picture opened and Percy was standing there looking as though no one had ever knocked before, which they probably HAVEN'T since that's kind of weird when you think about it.  (He had just awakened so he had really crazy hair.)

"Um…what?" he asked.

"TRICK OR TREAT!!!" screamed Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect as they held up complimentary Ravenclaw pillowcases.

"What?" Percy repeated.

"Give us candy!" Aragog demanded.

"Fill up our Ravenclaw pillowcases!" the Ravenclaw Prefect added.

"Say…aren't you the Ravenclaw Prefect?" Percy said, pointing to the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"Every OTHER day I am!" the Ravenclaw Prefect explained.  "But today, I'm a pirate!  Now give us candy!"

"I don't have any candy." Percy replied.  "It's not Halloween."

"Then we'll have to trick you if you don't have any treats!" Aragog threatened.  Just then, Ron, Harry and Hermione came around the corner talking about a magical jewel of life and Voldemort and other kinds of suspicious things but everyone just chose to disregard them entirely since they do that all the time.

"And then the magical jewel of life with bring back this random person to life and then Voldemort will come and be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher!!" Harry explained.

"Of COURSE!!" said Hermione knavishly.  "Why didn't I see if BEFORE?"

"Don't say that name!" whined Ron but you couldn't really understand him because his mouth was full of food and candy and not to mention the fact that you can't understand him ANYWAY.

Then they went back into the common room to get the Invisibility Cloak and walk around the school after bedtime.

Aragog, Percy and the Ravenclaw Prefect waited for a minute, trying to remember what they had been talking about prior to the arrival of the significant characters.

"Well, I'll see you later." Said Percy randomly as he slammed the picture shut and then laughed diabolically at Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect's expense.  Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect trudged off with their heads hung low until they stumbled across the Slytherin common room since they know just where it is.

They knocked on the door and it opened almost right away and Malfoy was standing there with his teeny little mouth and he was holding a Harry voodoo doll in his hand.  There was also a glare on his head so it looked like he was bald!!

"You're not Slytherins!!!" Malfoy yelled as if he were expecting a Slytherin to knock.

"I'm a RAVENCLAW!!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect proudly as he pointed to his Ravenclaw Prefect badge.

"What do you want then?" Malfoy demanded.

"Let me handle this." Said Aragog.  "Trick or treat!"

"It's not Halloween!" said Malfoy.

"We know!" said Aragog.  "Give us candy anyway!"

"Even if I HAD candy, which I DON'T, then I wouldn't give it to you!" Malfoy said, scoffing.

"Mind your tone, you're talking to a PREFECT!!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"Well, they obviously let ANYONE become a Prefect nowadays…" sighed Malfoy as he turned to Crabbe and Goyle who had sort of just come out of nowhere and were now standing in the doorway guffawing.  "Who gave you permission to laugh?"

"Sorry." Said Crabbe and Goyle together.  Malfoy turned back to Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect.  

"If I ever catch you back here, I'll tell my father!" he yelled as he slammed the door similar to how Percy had done it earlier.

"Why I oughta…" said the Ravenclaw Prefect but Aragog held him back and convinced him that violence was wrong.

"Obviously going to the common rooms is not going to work." Said Aragog.  "Let's try Trick or Treating for professors now!"

"Okay Aragog!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect as they made their way to the Potions Room.  "Why are we trying Professor Snape first, Aragog?"

"Because if Professor Snape isn't impressed by a giant hairy spider dressed as a pumpkin then I don't know who will be!" Aragog chuckled and knocked on Professor Snape's door.

Less than a second later, Professor Snape whipped the door open and stood there with his eyes wide and bulging as if he were pretending to be incredibly surprised.

"May I…help you?" he asked as he tried to stare them both down.

"Trick or Treat!!" Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect shouted with their empty pillowcases held out straight.

"What are you doing wandering around?" asked Professor Snape in his chipmunky voice as he grabbed his cape and crossed his arms, entangling his cape within his intertwined arms.  "People might think you're…up to something…"

"Nothing much." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Just Trick Or Treating.  Now give us some candy!"

"Aren't you the Ravenclaw Prefect." Professor Snape asked as he observed the Ravenclaw Prefect's little badge.  "A prefect, causing a nuisance?  For shame.  Ten points from Ravenclaw!"

"What?!" the Ravenclaw Prefect yelled.  "You can't do that!!"

"You dare challenge ME?" Snape asked.  "Ten MORE points!"

"ARGH!!"

"Leave or I shall deduct even more!"

The Ravenclaw Prefect ran out of eyeshot as fast as he could, leaving Aragog to deal with the wrath of Professor Snape.

Snape eyed Aragog as if he was turned on but you know he isn't.  "You had better be out of my sight.  NOW."

"But you haven't given us any candy!" Aragog yelled.

"I don't intend to now LEAVE!!!" Snape yelled as he slammed the door JUST like Malfoy and Percy!!  And Aragog didn't see this, of course, but Snape swooped about his room like a fool before finally coming to a stop at his desk.

Aragog rounded the corner to find the Ravenclaw Prefect waiting for him with eager eyes.  Aragog shook his head and the Ravenclaw Prefect sighed.

"I don't think the teachers are a very good idea." The Ravenclaw Prefect started.  He just secretly didn't want to get any more points deducted for being foolish since he was being foolish.

"I know!" said Aragog as all eight of his eyes lit up.  "We can go to Hagrid!  He's BOUND to have candy and he'll give them to us since I'm ARAGOG!!"

"YEAH!!!" cheered the Ravenclaw Prefect AND Aragog as they both ran outside to Hagrid's house and knocked on the door.

Hagrid came to the door wearing an apron and oven mitts.  "What's going on?" he asked.

"Hagrid, it's me!  Aragog!" said Aragog.

"I hardly recognized you!!!" Hagrid gasped as he and Aragog hugged.

"Trick or treat!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"It's not Halloween!" said Hagrid.

"Can you give us candy anyway?" requested Aragog.

"Well…I don't have any candy." Said Hagrid slowly.  "But I DO have a dragon egg!"

"Um…I guess that'll do…" started the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"I never said that you could HAVE it!" Hagrid yelled.  "I was just saying that I had one in my possession."

"Can we have it anyway?" Aragog asked, waving his complimentary Ravenclaw pillowcase in Hagrid's face.

"Sorry boys, but I've always wanted a dragon's egg." Said Hagrid.  Then he slammed the door on their faces.

"Why does everyone slam the door on our faces?" the Ravenclaw Prefect asked Aragog sadly.

"I don't know." Said Aragog.

"Well…what are we going to do now?" the Ravenclaw Prefect asked but before Aragog could answer, Harry, Ron and Hermione appeared out of nowhere since they had just been wearing the Invisibility Cloak.

"Carry it Ron!" Harry insisted, thrusting the cloak in his chest.

"But I ALWAYS have to carry it!" Ron whined.

"Um…okay!" said Hermione since she couldn't really understand what he was saying.  After all, he had the very same food that he had in his mouth that he had in earlier.  Then they ran over to Hagrid's house and knocked on the door.  Hagrid came to the door holding a strange animal that obviously doesn't really exist.

"Hagrid." Said Harry in the disappointed tone.

"I know what that is!" Ron exclaimed.

They all waited for a second.

"Well?" Hermione prodded.  "What is it?"

Ron looked at her and then at Harry and then at Hagrid and then back at the creature.  "How'd you get one?"

"Some random guy gave it to me for very little reason at all!" Hagrid replied.  "He had a strange jewel around his neck!!  But…I shouldn't have told you that."

"THE JEWEL OF LIFE!!!" screamed Harry, Ron and Hermione as they dashed off.

The Ravenclaw Prefect and Aragog looked at each other, shrugged and then decided to go back inside the school for no reason.

While they walked, they suddenly turned the corner to be faced with Professor Dumbledore.   "Um…trick or treat?" said the Ravenclaw Prefect since he didn't really know what else to say.

"What?" said Dumbledore.  "Is it Halloween already?"

"Yes!" said Aragog.

"In that case, here's a lemon drop for each of you." Said Dumbledore as he put a lemon drop in each of their pillowcases.  "I will have to change the decorations in the Great Hall to honor this occasion."  Then he paused.  "There.  All done."  Then he walked off.

"All right!!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "We completed our mission!!"

Then they went to the Great Hall because they felt like it and saw that everything was Halloweeny.

"But it's now Halloween…" started Aragog.

Marcus Flint walked over.  "IT'S HALLOWEEN!!!" he growled in such a way so that you could see ALL his teeth.  "I'm dressed up as…MYSELF!!!"  And then he walked away.

"But we were supposed to trick or treat on a day that WASN'T Halloween!" the Ravenclaw Prefect whined.  "Now that everyone thinks that it actually IS Halloween then it's pointless since everyone's trick or treating ANYWAY."  And then they watched a bunch of first years frolic by in costume with complimentary pillowcases from their houses.

"We failed." Said Aragog.  He and the Ravenclaw Prefect bowed their heads in shame.

What will Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect's next task be?  It's all up to YOU!!  THE READERS!!!  All you have to do is review with an idea of their next task, or simply send an e-mail to us, and if we approve of it then Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect will do it!


	2. Mission 2: Create a New Nation

Mission #2

Create a New Nation

"Our next task is to create a new nation all together?" Aragog said, pacing back and forth as he and the Ravenclaw Prefect sat in the Ravenclaw common room.  You know what?  YOU get to make up what that looks like!!

"Is that even possible?" the Ravenclaw Prefect asked.

"We have to MAKE it possible!" Aragog declared.  "Since our last task was a failure, this was HAS to work out!"

"All right then!" agreed the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Well…what should our nation be called?"

Before Aragog could answer, two first years came running down the stairs.

"PREFECT!!!" they both yelled.  "WE'RE SO LOST!!!!"

"What are you trying to find?" asked the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"The common room." They both said at the same time.

The Ravenclaw Prefect chuckled warmly.  "Why, you're here right now!" he said, gesturing around to the room that you have made up.  It could look like a welcoming homely place like the Gryffindor common room, or it could be dank and look much like a dungeon like the Slytherin common room.  Maybe it could even be somewhere in the middle or PAST those two extremes!  For all we know, the Ravenclaws don't even HAVE a common room!!  They just go outside and all ban together and stay warm with each other's body heat!!  ARGH!!!

"Thanks prefect!" said both the first years at the very same time again.

"No problem!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect as the two first years went to the OTHER side of the common room and did first year stuff.

"So…" said Aragog.  "What should our nation be called?"

"How about…This is a Nation!" suggested the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"No." Aragog said, shaking his head.  "…WE are a Nation!"

"How about YOU Are a Nation!" the Ravenclaw Prefect said excidedly.

"Too long." Said Aragog.  "You're A Nation!"

"ALL RIGHT!!" cheered the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"We should design what it looks like." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he pulled out a piece of construction paper and some crayons and some sealing wax.

"We could just make it here in the common room." Said Aragog.

"Yeah!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "I'll make a sign."

"And I'll recruit members!" Aragog decided.  "And when you're done with your sign, come help me."

"I'm done." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he showed Aragog his sign.

"Very nice." Said Aragog, nodding.

"Should this nation only be secluded to Ravenclaws?"

"No.  In fact, I don't think any of the Ravenclaws should be able to join because none of them have names."

"Don't think you're all high and mighty just because you have a name and have a bigger significance to everything!  Even though you're 'big significance' isn't really that big or significant."

"Yeah well…" started Aragog, trying to think of a comeback.  "Wait, we should be getting along!  Let's go recruit some members!!"

"Should we start with Gryffindor?" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"Okay." Said Aragog as the two of them walked around the corner to the fat lady picture and knocked on it.  Percy came to the door with his sleepy hair.

"Are you two back again?" he said with a sigh.

"Yes!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Now let us in!"

"What's the password?" asked Percy even though he knew very well that they didn't know the secret password that only the Gryffindors know.

"We don't need a password!" said Aragog.  "We're part of the 'You're A Nation' Nation!"

Percy blinked, paused and thought that maybe he had heard wrong considering he just woke up.  "The bathroom is down the hall." He said finally.

"We don't need to use the bathroom!" yelled Aragog.  "We just want to recruit Gryffindors for You're a Nation!"

"I'm sure they can do that on their own." Said Percy.

The Ravenclaw Prefect and Aragog looked at each other and then back at Percy.  "Let us in!!" they both yelled.

"What's the password?" Percy asked.

"Well…considering what the Ravenclaw password is…the Gryffindor password must be…PERCY RULES!!" the Ravenclaw Prefect bellowed.  Percy gasped and stumbled backwards.

"How did you know?!" he demanded.

"It seriously is 'Percy Rules'?" Aragog said.  "That is so sad."

"Professor Dumbledore let ME make up the password." Percy said, brushing himself off.  "So what?"

"Well you have to let us in now." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"Never!" said Percy.  "You're not a Gryffindor!!"

Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect telepathically planned an evil scheme.  They easily beat Percy up and left his steaming heap outside the door and then hurried into the Gryffindor common room.

"Who wants to be part of You're A Nation?!" the Ravenclaw Prefect yelled.  It was then silent in the Gryffindor common room except for Hermione reading an excerpt from a book from the Restricted Section she took out for light reading to Harry and Ron.  Not only was seeing the Ravenclaw Prefect in the common room kind of weird but he had also just asked a really weird question.

"We do!" said Fred and George at the same time since they're troublesome troublemakers.

"What are you doing in our common room?!" demanded Seamus, which is actually pronounced Shaymus.

"How dare you?!" yelled the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "I am a PREFECT!!!"

"Oh." Said Seamus.  "Then can I be in You're a Nation too?"

"OF COURSE!!!" said Aragog.  "Are you taking these names down?"

"Yup!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  Pretty soon, EVERYONE wanted to join You're a Nation!!  Except for Harry, Ron and Hermione, of course, since they had long since gone off to the Forbidden Forest for one reason or another!!

"Wow, our nation is so successful already and we have only been to one house so far!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he looked up and down the list of the names he had.  They stepped over Percy's heap on the ground and left the Gryffindor common room.

"Now let's go to Slytherin." Said Aragog.  "Since it's pointless to go to Hufflepuff because that place doesn't really exist either and we're not including Ravenclaw."

"OKAY!!!" cheered the Ravenclaw Prefect as the two of them ran as fast as they could to the Slytherin place.  When they knocked, who would open the door but MALFOY!!  SENIOR!!!

"And you are?" said Malfoy the First.

"I'm the Ravenclaw Prefect and this is Aragog." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"Charmed." Said Malfoy the First.  "And what business do you have here, Ravenclaw Prefect-sama and Aragog-sama?"

"I don't know, I was going to kind of ask you the same thing." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect, trying to ignore the suffixes.  "Why ARE you here, Mr. Malfoy?"

"YOU WILL REFER TO ME AS MALFOY-SAMA!!" screamed Malfoy the First as he pulled off the top of his cane and held his wand up to the Ravenclaw Prefect as if he were threatening to do something.

"Um…okay." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he easily swatted 'Malfoy-Sama's hand away.  "We want to come in and recruit members for our nation.  We have to make one and we're wondering if anyone in Slytherin wants to be in it since they have names too."

"Is…Potter-sama in this nation?" Malfoy-sama asked.

"Um…I don't think so." Aragog replied.

"Very well." Said Malfoy-sama.  "Malfoy-kun will join your nation."

"Not to be rude or anything but why are you adding suffixes at the end of everyone's name?" Aragog asked.

"SILENCE!!!" screamed Malfoy-sama as he threatened Aragog with his cane wand as well.  Aragog just batted Malfoy-sama as well.  "You have gotten what you have come for now be gone!!!"  And then Malfoy-sama slammed the door shut.

"Okay…that was really really weird." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he added Malfoy JUNIOR'S name to the list of the people in You're A Nation.

"So how many people do we have?" asked Aragog, looking over the Ravenclaw Prefect's shoulder.

"We have everyone in Gryffindor except Percy, Harry, Ron and Hermione," the Ravenclaw Prefect replied.  "And Malfoy."

"I think that's enough for now." Said Aragog.  "We should start improving our nation by getting permission from a teacher."

"Okay!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "I wish I remembered who the head of the Ravenclaw house was so we could ask that particular teacher.  But we might as well just go and ask the head of Gryffindor since we have all the Gryffindors except for four.  But we can't really do that either since I don't remember how to spell her name and it would be pointless to ask the professor of Hufflepuff because not only do I not know who he/she is but we don't have any Hufflepuffs!  So…let's just go ask Professor Snape."

"Sounds like a plan!" said Aragog.  The Ravenclaw Prefect perched atop of Aragog and then Aragog galloped off to Professor Snape's office.  Aragog knocked on the door and Snape opened the door.  He then looked up at Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"Riding a giant spider through the hallway," said Professor Snape, shaking his head.  "Ten points from Ravenclaw."

"What?!" yelled the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "You're supposed to hate Gryffindor for no reason, not Ravenclaw!"

"Ten more points!" Snape snapped.  HAW!!

"Fine…" said the Ravenclaw Prefect since he knew very well that it's not like it was going to be RAVENCLAW who would win the House Cup.  "We just came to ask your permission to start our nation.  The You're A Nation Nation."

"Ten more points from Ravenclaw." Snape said with a frown.  

"WHY?!" yelled Aragog AND the Ravenclaw Prefect.  Yes, Aragog was starting to get a little offended too since he might as well be in Ravenclaw since he ALWAYS hangs out there.

"I will have no such nation with a horrible name befouling the name of Hogwarts." Said Snape and then he slammed the door and swooped about his room knavishly.

"Well…I guess we can't continue our nation." Said Aragog with a sigh.

"We failed again." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect sadly.

What will Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect's next task be?  It's all up to YOU!!  THE READERS!!!  All you have to do is review with an idea of their next task, or simply send an e-mail to us, and if we approve of it then Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect will do it!


	3. Mission 3: Sell Girl Scout Cookies

Mission #3

Sell Girl Scout Cookies

"Sell Girl Scout Cookies?!" the Ravenclaw Prefect gasped as the two of them chilled in the Ravenclaw common room.  "How can we possibly do that?!  We're not even GIRLS!"

"Well…we'll have to dress up as girls!" Aragog declared.

"You're kidding, right?" the Ravenclaw Prefect said, raising his eyebrow.

"No." Aragog replied.  "We have to get dresses somehow…"

"Aha!  I know who we could steal them from!!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"PERCY!!!" Aragog interrupted.

"Um…no." said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Percy's a guy so I doubt he has any dresses."

"SNAPE!!" Aragog yelled.

"No…"

"MALFOY-SAMA!!!"

"NO!!!!" screamed the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "ALL YOU'RE SUGGESTING IS MEN!!"

"Malfoy-sama's a guy?" Aragog asked.

"Silence." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Can I say my intelligent idea now?  I think we could steal dresses from…oh I don't know…CHO CHUNG AND PENELOPE CLEARWATER!!!"

"GASP!!!" yelled Aragog.  "RAVENCLAWS WITH NAMES!!!"

"AND FEMALE AT THAT!!!" the Ravenclaw Prefect said, pointing his finger up in the air.

"Sounds like a good idea!" said Aragog.  The two of them ran up the stairs but then crashed into some confused first years.

"We can't find the common room!" they whined.

"Just continue down the stairs and you'll be there in about ten seconds." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"THANKS PREFECT!!!" they HOLL-ered as they ran down the stairs.

"Okay, Aragog, you go in to make sure there aren't any girls in there." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect as they stood outside the girls' room.  "And if there are any, just scare them away."

"All right." Said Aragog as he opened the door and started tromping around.  A few Ravenclaw females without names came out of their room screaming at the mere sight of Aragog since he's a giant spider and females are wimpy.  Then Aragog called for the Ravenclaw Prefect to come in.

"We can't very well steal from these Ravenclaws without names but it'll be fine if we steal from Cho Chung and Penelope Clearwater." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he rummaged through Cho Chung's drawers.

"I don't think Penelope Clearwater's clothes will fit me." Said Aragog as he held up a dress.

"Um…well that's all right." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he pulled out some pink ribbon and tied it around Aragog's head, making it a pretty bow.  "None the wiser.  If I didn't know you were a guy, I'd date you!"

"Wow!  Thanks Ravenclaw Prefect!" said Aragog.

Then the Ravenclaw Prefect changed into Cho Chung's dress and then they left the girl's room.

"Where are we going to get cookies to sell?" Aragog asked suddenly.

"Um…I guess we'll have to steal them too." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "But it'll be okay, though, because we'll give the money we get from selling them back to the school."

"Okay!" said Aragog.  Then they went to the place where they keep all the food and started looking through all the cabinets for cookies.  It took them a while to find any but they finally did!  HURRAH!!

They decided to go to the Great Hall first since that's where a lot of people were lounging around.

Harry and Ron were playing Wizard's Chess.

"Do you guys wanna buy some of our cookies?" asked the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"Queen to E5!" said Ron confidently as he queen took out a bazooka and shot at Harry's knight.  But since it was a bazooka, the queen wiped out nearly all of Harry's pieces.

"Hey!" said Harry.  "That's cheatin'!"

"That's Wizard's Chess." Said Ron with a grin.

"Um…so you guys want to buy any?" coaxed Aragog.

"Buy any what?" Harry asked.

"Girl scout cookies!" Aragog yelled.

"What are girl scout cookies?!?!" Ron said ALL to enthusiastically.

"Well Ron, girl scout cookies are cookies that little girl muggles sell!" said Harry all-knowingly.

"WOW!!" said Ron.  "Dad'll love them!  But…I'm all set." Then he pointed at his cheeks and they all saw that he probably had dinner from last night, breakfast from this morning as well as lunch all packed in there.

Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect stared at him with raised eyebrows.

"Come on, Ron, you can send them home to your dad!" said Harry.

"YEAH!!!" said Ron excitedly.  "But…I don't have any money."

Harry paused and then pulled some money out of his pocket.  "We'll take the whole lot!!"

"Whoa!!" said Ron.

"Um…okay." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he dropped the cookies in front of Harry and Ron and then swiped the money from Harry.  Sure, Harry and Ron got about four cookies for an absurdly large amount of money but does that matter?!  NO!!

"Look how much we've got already!" said Aragog.

"Let's get our second batch of cookies and sell them to the professors." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"Let's NOT go to Professor Snape." Said Aragog.

"Yeah, I don't want any more points taken away from Ravenclaw even though it doesn't really make a difference." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

They went back to the kitchen to get more cookies to find that there was no more in the cabinets.  So they walked around the corner to see Percy with his sleepy hair slaving over a batch of cookies.

"What are you doing?" asked the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"Well, when I wake up, I like to make some cookies." Percy replied.

"How convenient!" said Aragog.  "Just what we needed!"

"No, these cookies are for ME!" said Percy.

"We'll buy them from you!" the Ravenclaw Prefect tempted.

"My cookies are priceless." Said Percy stubbornly.

"Well, we'll just take our disturbingly large sum of money and leave." Said Aragog as they started walking away but Percy suddenly cleared his throat.

"Just HOW disturbingly large is your sum of money?" he asked.

"EXTREMELY." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect and Aragog at the same time.

So, after a bit of bargaining, Percy left with a WHOLE Knut for all dem cookies!

"What a chump!" laughed the Ravenclaw Prefect as he and Aragog marched off to Professor Flitwick's room.  They knocked on the door only to have it swing open immediately and have Professor…SNAPE standing there!!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" yelled Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect because they were expecting the knavish levitation teacher only to be faced with the knavish potions teacher.

"Now what are you two doing inside on a day like today?" Snape asked in an extremely suspicious fashion.

"Um…we thought this was Professor Flitwick's room." Said Aragog.

"It is." Said Snape angrily.

"Then what are you doing here?" asked the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"That is of no concern to you!" screamed Professor Snape as he slammed the door shut.

Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect looked at each other.  "Well, at least he didn't subtract any points from Ravenclaw." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect with a shrug.

Then the door swung open.  "Oh and TEN points from Ravenclaw for cross-dressing!!" said Professor Snape as he slammed the door again.

"What a doosh-bag." Said Aragog.

"I don't appreciate being called a doosh-bag as if I'm not even here!" said Professor Snape because much to Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect's dismay, he had slammed the door but had stepped in the hallway before he had.  That had clearly not occurred to Aragog.  "THIRTY points from Ravenclaw!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" bellowed the Ravenclaw Prefect as they ran away as fast as they could as if that would solve anything.  But as they turned the corner, they crashed into Harry, Ron and Hermione who were also running as fast as they could.

"Ah!" said Harry as he writhed around on the ground and Hermione and Ron stood up.  "My scar!  It burns!"

"Where are you guys going in such a hurry?" asked Hermione.

"We were running away from Professor Snape because, oddly enough, he was in Professor Flitwick's room."  Aragog replied.

"Now what's he doing in there?" Harry asked, standing up because he was fine.

"Seems awfully suspicious!" said Ron. "I bet he's using Professor Flitwick's room for the ancient ritual that will bring the Jewel of Life back into existence."

"Did you bring the Invisibility Cloak, Ron?" Hermione asked, not even trying to figure out what Ron had just said.

"I always do!" said Ron as he held up the cloak.  Then he threw it over the three of them and they hurried off.  They could, however, hear Harry continue to complain and moan about his scar burning.

"Okay…what now?" asked Aragog.

Just then, Snape stomped over.

"How DARE you run away from me like that!!" he yelled.  "You go back to your common room RIGHT NOW!!!"  He grabbed Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect by their ears, dragged them to the Ravenclaw common room and tossed them in.

"OH NO!!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect sadly.  "Now we have all of Percy's cookies and all this money and nothing to do with them."

"We could eat the cookies and spend the money." Said Aragog.

"Oh all right.  But that kind of defeats the whole purpose of our mission." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "We did more stealing than selling so I would have to say…"

"We failed?" Aragog suggested.

"Yes." The Ravenclaw Prefect replied.

What will Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect's next task be?  It's all up to YOU!!  THE READERS!!!  All you have to do is review with an idea of their next task, or simply send an e-mail to us, and if we approve of it then Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect will do it! 


	4. Mission 4: Have Ron Weasley and Marcus F...

Mission #4

Have Ron Weasley and Marcus Flint Switch Places

"This has got to be one of the strangest ones we've had." Said Aragog.

"We've only had three." The Ravenclaw Prefect pointed out.

"Yeah but WHAT is the point of this?!" Aragog raged on.  "What will we gain?!  With Trick-Or-Treating, we could have potentially gotten candy!  With the creating a new nation one, we could have potentially created a new nation and with the girl-scout cookie one, we got money and cookies but this one is just so pointless!!  They're switching places and then…AND THEN WHAT?!"

"ARE YOU BACKING OUT ON ME ARAGOG?!?!" HOLL-ered the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"WHAT IF I AM?!?!" bellowed Aragog.  "I'm just saying that this is REALLY stupid and pointless!!  Whose idea was this?!?!"

"That's not important!" the Ravenclaw Prefect said.  "We vowed we would do our best to complete every mission, NO EXCEPTIONS.  We best wait until dark and switch them while they're sleeping."

LATER!!!!

"All right!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he rubbed his hands together diabolically and a shadow covered half his face.  "It's bedtime now and ALL the innocent Gryffindors and Slytherins are in their beds tucked away dreaming sweet dreams of all sorts!  Are you ready to go and complete our mission, Aragog?"  And he turned to Aragog who was frowning.

"I still don't see WHY we're doing this." He mumbled.

"COME ON!!" the Ravenclaw Prefect said in an annoyed tone as he pushed the door open to the Ravenclaw Common room and he and Aragog tip toed down the hallway to the Gryffindor room.  "Now, I'll get Ron since he's smaller and you get Flint and we'll meet back in the middle of the two common rooms and then we'll…PASS each other and then drop them off and then we'll meet back in the Ravenclaw common room, got it?"

"Got it." Said Aragog as he made his way to the Slytherin room.

"Percy Rules," the Ravenclaw Prefect whispered as the picture of the Fat Lady swung open.  The Ravenclaw Prefect had to stop himself from giggling maniacally as he hurried up the stairs to the room with all the main characters except for Hermione were.

He discovered Ron in his little bed sleeping like a soldier with his arms firmly down his side and his feet together pointed.  Then he noted the Invisibility Cloak at the foot of his bed and decided that he MUST use it just in case someone were to wake up and see a RAVENCLAW in the GRYFFINDOR room.  So he put the Cloak on himself and then picked Ron up.  It never really occurred to him to put RON under the cloak as well because he didn't.  But that was okay because now Ron looked like he was hovering there and since he slept so stiffly he looked like he had a board underneath him.

As the Ravenclaw Prefect started to leave the room, he decided to wait for a minute as he watched Harry toss and turn in his bed.

"Snape…Voldemort…NO!!" Harry cried, clearly having a nightmare.  "Ron!  Hermione!!  No, Ron…Hermione!!  SCAR!!!!"  And with that, he bolted upright in bed while breathing deeply.  He immediately grabbed his scar.  "It burns…" And then he noticed the floating Ron.  "Oh Ron!  You're okay!  It was just a dream…" Then he lied down and went back to sleep.

The Ravenclaw Prefect decided to shake it off and continue on his merry way.

When he got to the bottom of the stairs, he noticed the Percy was standing there with his sleepy hair.  After all, it IS the middle of the night.

"RON!!" Percy bellowed.  "What are you doing out of bed?!?!"

"I'm uh…nothing Percy!  Go away, I hate you!!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect, throwing his voice and pretending to be Ron.  He can do that and you can't say that he can't because what do YOU know about this prefect?  I bet you don't even know what the line is that made him famous: "Ravenclaws, follow me!"

"What?!" Percy said, stumbling backwards.  "How can you hate me?  I'm Percy!  I'm a Prefect!  I'm your older brother!"

"DISAPPEAR!!!" yelled the Ravenclaw Prefect as he swooped past Percy who was still too shocked to move or react.

The Ravenclaw Prefect wondered just how he had gotten away with that and why Ron had not awakened quite yet because both he and Percy and been yelling right in front of him!  OH WELL!!

The Ravenclaw Prefect decided to pick up his pace so that he could end this task quickly.  He turned the corner only to be faced with Professor Snape!  

"Mr. Weasley!" Snape said as he grabbed his cape and crossed his arms.  "I'll have you know that being out of your dormitory after curfew is strictly forbidden!  Ten points from Gryffindor!"

The Ravenclaw Prefect was feeling somewhat evil so he decided to press his luck.

"I hate you Professor Snape!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he threw his voice again.  "You have greasy hair and look like Jyou!"

"How dare you!!!" Professor Snape bellowed.  "First you float around foolishly and make a mockery of me, then you INSULT ME?!  I shall not have it!  FIFTY points from Gryffindor AND you get a detention!"

Then Snape marched off, feeling somewhat proud of himself.

The Ravenclaw Prefect continued on his journey and passed Aragog in the hallway who was carrying Marcus Flint atop his body.

"Careful Aragog!" warned the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "I just ran into Professor Snape and he's on the warpath!"

"Who said that?!" Aragog wondered aloud.  "Was that…you, Ron?"

The Ravenclaw Prefect tore off the Invisibility Cloak.  "No Aragog!  It's me!  I stole the Invisibility Cloak!"

"Oh!" laughed Aragog.  "Okay!"

They both parted ways and headed to their respected common room.  Aragog reached the Fat Lady portrait and said the password, "Percy rules!"

The picture opened and Aragog walked in with Marcus Flint on his back, made his way over to Ron's bed and dropped Flint on top of it.  Marcus Flint grunted a bit upon landing but he didn't wake up.

Aragog giggled and ran out of the room and back to the Ravenclaw common room where the Ravenclaw Prefect was waiting eagerly.

"Now all we have to do is wait until morning and see if everyone falls for it!" laughed the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"What if they don't fall for it?" asked Aragog. 

"Don't worry." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "No one will know it was us!"

Aragog and the Ravenclaw shared a nice warm chuckle but they might have been chuckling TOO warmly because some Ravenclaw third years yelled at them to shut up so they did.

THE NEXT MORNING!!

Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect went down to breakfast with everyone and looked around for Ron and Marcus Flint to see that Ron was sitting at the Slytherin table wallowing in self-pity and Flint was sitting with the Gryffindors yelling at everyone.

"I must have done something really terrible to have been transferred to Slytherin." Whined Ron.  "I've shamed my whole family!  There hasn't been a witch or a wizard that's gone bad that hasn't been in Slytherin!"

"TAKE THAT SIDE!!" Flint yelled as he commanded some wimpy Gryffindor first years to massage his feet.  Since Flint was so scary and the first years were so unassertive, they did whatever he told them to do.

"Everyone's falling for it!" Aragog said excitedly.  "You were right!"

"I'm always right!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

Suddenly, they saw Professor Snape approach Ron and yell at him for a little while.  Ron got up and skipped back over to the Gryffindor table saying that they must have messed up or something as Flint walked back over to Slytherin, not really caring one way or another.

"That Professor Snape!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect angrily.  "Always ruining all of our missions!"

"Maybe our next mission should be to kill him!" said Aragog.

"Maybe…" said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he rubbed his chin.


	5. Mission 5: Become Rappers

Mission #5

Become Rappers

"Aragog, in this chapter, we get to become rappers!!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect excitedly.

"YAY!!" cheered Aragog.

"No, rappers do not say 'YAY!!' they say 'Word, mac daddy yo.'" Said the Ravenclaw Prefect all-knowingly.

"Oh.  Um…word mac daddy yo." Said Aragog.

"PERFECT!!!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Wait…I mean…Dat's poppin'!"

"Do we HAVE to talk like rappers?" Aragog asked.

"Yes." Replied the Ravenclaw Prefect simply.

"All right…" said Aragog, rolling his eyes.  All eight of them.  (Because remember, he's a giant spider.)

"We need a name for ourselves." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "How about the Word Mac Daddy Yos?"

"No." said Aragog.

"Um…The Homies!"

"That will send ALL the wrong messages!!" yelled Aragog.

"Well I don't see YOU brainstorming!!" argued the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"I don't see how we can become rappers." Said Aragog.  "We're just not bad ass enough."

"AHA!!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "We'll call ourselves Bad Ass so no one can tell us that we're NOT bad ass!"

Just then, the head of the Ravenclaw house, whom I believe is Professor Flitwick, (and if he's not, don't smite us, Harry Potter fans) came over.  "Did I just hear a prefect uttering a swear word?" he said and then he left.

"Okay…we'll be Bad Rear End." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect nervously.

"That sounds SO stupid." Said Aragog.

"Fine…BRE.  And we'll leave everyone to figure out what it means and NEVER tell them!"

"RPAA." Said Aragog.

"What's that stand for?" asked the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"Ravenclaw Prefect and Aragog." Aragog replied.

"Oh." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "I guess…we could use that."  He then thought for a minute.  "Now let's hang up flyers all over school telling everyone to come to our concert!"

"What concert?!" demanded Aragog as the Ravenclaw Prefect began making signs.  "We don't even have any songs!!"

"That's nothing to worry about." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect with a laugh.  "We can just take previously famous songs and alter them so that no one will know the difference.  Aren't I clever?"

"Um…can't we get in trouble for that?" asked Aragog.

"No." said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Now help me make some signs so that people will know when to come!!"

LATER

"I'll have you know that I don't stand for this!!" said Percy as he stormed into the Great Hall.  You could tell that he was awakened by the commotion since he still had his sleepy hair.  "I have already summoned Professor Snape to put a stop to all this."

"Why would you do something like that?!" demanded the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"Because you beat me up and stole my cookies." Said Percy.

"We didn't steal them!  We paid you for it!" said Aragog.

Percy thought for a minute.  "Oh.  So you did." He said with a nod.  "But you DID beat me up!"

"Percy, we'll argue with you later but the stage awaits." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he punted Percy through the roof of the school.  Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect chuckled warmly at Percy's expense but the school was chanting for them to come out and rap for them.  The Ravenclaw Prefect turned on the radio and they both walked out onto the stage.
    
    **_The Ravenclaw Prefect_**
    
    _May I have your attention please_
    
    _May I have your attention please_
    
    _Will the real prefect please stand up?_
    
    _I repeat, will the real prefect please stand up?_
    
    _We're gonna have a problem here_
    
    **_Aragog_**
    
    _Ya'll act like you never seen a giant spider before_
    
    _Jaws all on the floor like the Basilisk just burst in the door_
    
    _Starting killing students like never before_
    
    _Just because I'm creepy, what you blaming me for?_
    
    _It's the return of the_
    
    _Aw wait no way you're kidding, _
    
    _He didn't blame Snape for ANOTHER mishap did he_
    
    _And Harry said..._
    
    _Nothing you idiot, Harry's whining over his scar (haha)_
    
    _Femenist women loved Aragog_
    
    _Chicka chicka chicka Harry Potter I'm sick of him_
    
    _Look at him walking around in the middle of the night_
    
    _Flipping through Restricted Section of the Library_
    
    _Yeah I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose_
    
    _But no worse than what's going on in the school common rooms_
    
    _Sometimes I wanna lie down and just let loose_
    
    _But I can't, you know why?  Cause the Basilisk is loose!_
    
    _I am on your list, I am on your list_
    
    _And I'm not surprised if you think I killed the kids_
    
    _Hagrid kept me away from all the kids_
    
    _And you expect HIM to know where the Chamber is?_
    
    _Hey, I don't even know where the Chamber is_
    
    _And all those little first years_
    
    _They know where it is, don't they?_
    
    _Sorry, we're not mammals, in fact some of us cannibals_
    
    _Who cut chase other people half way across the forest_
    
    _But if we can live, all ten thousand of us_
    
    _Then there's no reason that a few kids are making such a fuss_
    
    _But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote_
    
    _Listen to the song, sing the chorus and it goes_
    
    _I'm Aragog_
    
    _Yes I'm the real Aragog_
    
    _All you other spiders are just imitating_
    
    _So won't the real Aragog_
    
    _Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up_
    
    _Cuz I'm Aragog_
    
    _Yes I'm the real Aragog_
    
    _All you other spiders are just imitating_
    
    _So won't the real Aragog_
    
    _Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up_
    
    **_The Ravenclaw Prefect_**
    
    _Gryffindors don't gotta be important to have names_
    
    _Well I do, so…um…_
    
    _You think I care I got one line in the movie?_
    
    _Half of the people didn't even get to say "Follow me!"_
    
    **_Aragog_**_(But Prefect, you're in the second movie too)_
    
    **_Ravenclaw Prefect _**_Yeah I still say the same, that's nothing to you_
    
    _So you can sit me here next to Ron Weasley_
    
    _Well, Hermione Granger better switch me chairs_
    
    _So I can sit next to Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter_
    
    _And hear them argue over the snitch and who fairly caught her_
    
    _Harry and his scar all over the TV_
    
    **_Aragog_**_(Yeah but I've heard he had a little crush on Hermione)_
    
    **_Ravenclaw Prefect _**_I should download my line on MP3_
    
    _And show the whole world that I had a line in the movie_
    
    _I'm here for you little first years all you do is ask me_
    
    _Cause I been sent here to direct you_
    
    _But there's a million of us just like me_
    
    _Prefects  like me_
    
    _Who have just one line like me_
    
    _Who dress like me_
    
    _Walk talk and act like me_
    
    _It just might be_
    
    _The next best thing_
    
    _But not quite me_
    
    _I'm a Prefect_
    
    _Yes I'm the real prefects_
    
    _All you other prefects…_
    
    "AHEM!!!!" Snape bellowed across the Great Hall.  All the students ran out of the room as fast as they could leaving the Ravenclaw Prefect and Aragog all alone.
    
    "Something wrong Professor?" asked the Ravenclaw Prefect.
    
    "I was listening and hoping that this song would get MILDLY clever but it just keeps getting worse and worse so I HAD to intervene." Said Snape.  "I will not have you making a mockery out of Hogwarts with you're HORRIBLY rapping!!!"
    
    "But Professor…" whined Aragog.
    
    "A HUNDRED POINTS FROM RAVENCLAW!!" bellowed Snape.
    
    "Aww…" said Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect.
    
    "EACH!!!" finished Snape.
    
    Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect trudged back to the Ravenclaw common room.

"So…where do you think our points stand?" asked the Ravenclaw Prefect.


	6. Mission 6: Make an RH Romance Fanfiction

Mission #6

Make a R/H Romance Fanfiction

"This one will be easy!" declared the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "All we have to do is type!  There's no way we could POSSIBLY fail this mission!  Okay, Aragog, since you have the most arms, you type."

"But I don't have any fingers." Aragog pointed out.

"Fine, I'll type." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he sat down at one of the many computers that are in the Ravenclaw common room.  Yes.  There are computers in the Ravenclaw Common Room.  What?!  You have an ARGUEMENT?  I'd like to hear it.  You have PROOF that there are no computers in the Ravenclaw common room?  Just because they're NOT in the Slytherin Common Room and the Gryffindor Common Room doesn't mean that they're not in the Ravenclaw Common Room.  And guess what?!  There are MICROWAVES too!

"So anyway…" said Aragog.  "So R is obviously Ron Weasley since he's the only person I can think of off the top of my head whose name begins with R.  Well, besides YOU, Ravenclaw Prefect."

"I'm not going to be in the story." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"Well…the H has to be Hermione Granger." Said Aragog.

"Obviously." Agreed the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"So let's get this started." Said Aragog.

Ron had previously gotten in a fight with Malfoy again because Malfoy had insulted Hermione's family.  So now he was in the hospital wing and Hermione was sitting by his bed…

"This is HORRIBLE." Said Aragog.

"Don't insult my writing!!" bellowed the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "I'm trying to compose!!"

"Fine…" said Aragog with a sigh.

"Why did you do that Ron?" asked Hermione.

_"Because, Hermione, I love you." Said Ron.  Suddenly, a lightning bolt scar appeared on Hermione's forehead and her hair got shorter and then she put on her glasses.  But she wasn't really a she anymore.  She was a he.  He was Harry Potter._

_"Harry!" said Ron.  "I knew it was you!"_

_"Of course Ron." Said Harry.  "I love you."_

_"I love you too Harry." Said Ron._

"Wait…wait what?" said Aragog.  "Did Hermione just turn into Harry?"

"Yeah…" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "I started having second thoughts on who the H in the title was.  I thought that maybe Harry would be better."

"Oh I guess so." Said Aragog.  "Both of their names DO start with H."

_So later when all of Ron's wounds were healed, he and Harry decided to go and frolic around in the middle of the night in the Restricted Section of the Library with the Invisibility Cloak.  They tried to take outa oe_

"WHAT?!" demanded the Ravenclaw Prefect because Aragog had suddenly yelled for him to stop.

"What if the H is HAGRID?" demanded Aragog.

"Oh yeah!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"So…are we supposed to write a love story between Ron and Hagrid?" said Aragog slowly.

"I guess so." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"That's crazy!" declared Aragog.

After their night frolic, they decided to go to Hagrid's house.  When they got there, Hagrid made some tea.

_"Are you thirsty Ron my love?" asked Hagrid._

_"Yes my dearest Hagrid." Said Ron._

"Wait, what happened to Harry?" asked Aragog.

Harry left.

"I'm glad that Harry is gone so we can be alone." Said Hagrid.

"Doesn't Harry's owl's name start with an H?" asked Aragog.

"Perhaps, Aragog." Sighed the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "But I doubt that Ron would fall in love with an owl."

"It could happen you know." Said Aragog.

"No, I really don't think it could." The Ravenclaw Prefect said as he went back to the computer.

"What if the H stands for Hogwarts?" asked Aragog.

"How can Hogwarts return Ron's love?" asked the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "And why would Ron be in love with a building?"

"It's a magic building."

"Yeah but it's still a building."

"Well he's always talking about how he likes it here."

"Maybe it's not Ron." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Because there's no way that Ron is in love with this building in that kind of way."

"No one else's name starts with R." Aragog reminded him.

"Hm…how about that Professor Lupin guy?" suggested the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "You know, that THIRD Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher that turns into a werewolf?"

"What about him?  His name starts with an L."

"But his first name starts with an R."

"Yeah but…would he REALLY be in love with a building?"

"I guess not…"

"Who WOULD be in love with building whose name starts with R?"

"What if it's not an R?  What if it's a smudged P?" said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he looked at the paper.  The two of them stared at the paper for a minute or two.

"Maybe it is…" agreed Aragog.

"So you know who this is." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect with a nod.  "It's Percy."

"Yeah.  Percy is DEFINITELY in love with Hogwarts."

"All right.  So we have to write a story about Percy and Hogwarts?"

"I guess so.  Let's just start over all together."

"I love you Hogwarts." Said Percy.

_"I love you too Percy." Said Hogwarts._

"This can't be right." Said Aragog.

"Yeah…you're right." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "What if the P stands for Professor?"

"Professor Snape?" suggested Aragog with a devious grin.

"Yeah!!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Professor Snape and Percy!  They are so perfect for each other."

"All right!  Let's write it!!" said Aragog.

"I love you Percy." Said Professor Snape.

_"I love you too Professor Snape." Said Percy._

_"Why don't we meet in my room, Percy?" said Professor Snape._

_"My rooms a lot more comfortable…Severus." Said Percy with a wink._

"Severus?!" laughed Aragog.  "That's his first name?!"

"I know!!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Isn't that funny?!"

"I don't see what's so funny." Came Snape's chipmunky voice from above them.  They looked up to see that Professor Snape was, in fact standing right there not looking very amused.

"Holy crap Professor Snape!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "What are you doing in here?!"

"This is the Slytherin Common Room!" bellowed Snape.

"But the Slytherin Common Room doesn't have any computers!!" yelled the Ravenclaw Prefect as he looked around to see Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle standing there being Slytherins.  There were other Slytherins too, but they're not important enough to be mentioned.

"Yes…I know…" said Snape, observing the computers.  "Which makes it even more curious as to why you're here."

"Yeah…I'm kind of wondering that too." Said the Aragog as he looked around.

"Well, let's just leave it at the fact that I had to get into this chapter and take away points from you SOMEHOW and if you were to just sit all day in the Ravenclaw Common Room, how would I have possibly done that?" Snape asked.

The Ravenclaw Prefect and Aragog looked at each other, shrugged and then nodded at Snape.  He had a point.

"Now tell me what you're doing!" Snape HOLL-ered as he pushed the Ravenclaw Prefect out of the way and sat down at the computer.  He started reading from the beginning until he finally reached the part with he and Percy and then stopped.

"Well…we were writing an R/H romance so…" started the Ravenclaw Prefect but then he stopped.  He looked at Aragog.  "Well…it WAS an R/H story but it somehow evolved into you and Percy."

"I will not tolerate this!" yelled Snape.  "Now, if I calculated everything properly, that would be 343 ½ points from Ravenclaw!  I will also deduct ten points from anyone who was in this story as well!  So that means that Gryffindor loses forty points!  But then again…Hagrid is PRACTICALLY in Grffindor since he favors them oh so much so that's FIFTY points from Gryffindor!"

And then he started swooping away.

"Um…not to be rude or anything but…" started Aragog as Snape turned around and eyed him evilly.  "You and Malfoy were in the story so shouldn't that be twenty points from Slytherin?"

"Twenty points AWARDED to Slytherin for being victimized by your horrible fiction!!" bellowed Professor Snape as he ran away as fast as he could so they couldn't question him.

"Okay…that wasn't really fair." Sighed the Ravenclaw Prefect as he and Aragog left the Slytherin Common Room and made their way to the Ravenclaw Common Room.  But since Gryffindor was ON THE WAY to Ravenclaw, they bumped into Percy who was raging about.

"A bunch of third years woke me up from my slumber and informed me that WE SUDDENLY ARE SHORT FIFTY POINTS!!!" bellowed Percy.  "DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS?!?!"

"Um…no?" said Aragog.

Percy eyed him but no one could take him seriously with his sleepy hair.

"Look, we're not even IN Gryffindor." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "How could we have POSSIBLY taken away points from YOUR house?"

"Hm…I suppose." Said Percy as he walked away, continuing to eye them suspiciously.

"But Ravenclaw Prefect, we DID make them lose those points." Said Aragog as they walked into the Ravenclaw Common Room.

"Yeah but Percy doesn't have to know that." The Ravenclaw Prefect said with a devious grin.


	7. Mission 7: Give Presents to Everyone in ...

Mission #7

Give Presents to Everyone in School 
    
    Every student                                                        
    
    Down in Hogwarts
    
    Liked Christmas a lot... 
    
    But Ravenclaw Prefect,
    
    Who lived in the Ravenclaw Common Room,
    
    Did NOT! 
    
    The prefect hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
    
    Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
    
    It could be that he's Jewish, so it never felt right.
    
    He didn't exchange presents on the very same night.
    
    But I think that the most likely reason of all
    
    May have been that his robes were two sizes too small. 
    
    But,
    
    Whatever the reason,
    
    His robes or his view,
    
    He stood there on Christmas Eve, being a Jew,
    
    Staring down from Ravenclaw with a sour, bitter scowl
    
    At the warm lighted candles in the Hogwarts Main Hall.
    
    For he knew every wizard in Hogwarts academy
    
    Was busy now, decorating the Christmas tree. 
    
    "And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.
    
    "Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
    
    Then he growled, with his fingers nervously drumming,
    
    "I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
    
    For, tomorrow, he knew... 
    
    ...All the girls and boys
    
    Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
    
    And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
    
    That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! 
    
    Then the crew, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
    
    And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
    
    And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
    
    They would start on pumpkin juice, just having a ball!
    
    Which was something the prefect could not stand at all! 
    
    And THEN
    
    They'd do something he liked least of all!
    
    Every child down in Hogwarts, the tall and the small,
    
    Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
    
    They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the kids would start singing! 
    
    They'd sing! And they'd sing!
    
    AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
    
    And the more the prefect thought of the All-School-Sing
    
    The more the prefect thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
    
    "Why for three whole years I've put up with it now!
    
    I MUST stop Christmas from coming!
    
    ...But HOW?"
    
    Then he got an idea!
    
    An awful idea!
    
    THE PREFECT
    
    GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA! 
    
    "I know just what to do!" The boy laughed in his throat.
    
    And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
    
    And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Jewish trick!
    
    With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!" 
    
    "All I need is a reindeer..."
    
    The Prefect looked around.
    
    But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
    
    Did that stop the Ravenclaw Prefect...?
    
    No! He just simply said,
    
    "If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
    
    So he called his friend Aragog. Then he took some red thread
    
    And he tied a big horn on top of his head. 
    
    THEN
    
    He loaded some bags
    
    And some old empty sacks
    
    On a ramshakle sleigh
    
    And he hitched up Aragog. 
    
    Then the Prefect said, "Giddyap!"
    
    And the sleigh started down
    
    Toward the rooms where the kids
    
    Lay a-snooze in their beds. 
    
    All their rooms were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
    
    All the kids were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
    
    When he came to the Gryffindor room in the square.
    
    "This is stop number one," The old Prefect Claus hissed
    
    And he walked through the painting, empty bags in his fist. 
    
    Then he crawled through the painting, a rather tight squeeze.
    
    But if a Gryffindor could do it, then why couldn't he?
    
    He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
    
    Then he stuck his head out into the common room
    
    Where the little red stockings all hung in a row.
    
    "These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
    
    Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
    
    Around the whole room, and he took every present!
    
    Sweaters! And owls! Wizard's Chess! Wands!
    
    School Books! Galleons! Sickles! And Knuts!
    
    And he stuffed them in bags. Then the prefect, very nimbly,
    
    Stuffed all the bags, one by one, through the painting! 
    
    Then he slunk to the kitchen. He took the whole feast!
    
    He took all the pudding! He took the bread and the yeast!
    
    He cleaned out that kitchen as quick as a flash.
    
    Why, the prefect even took their last can of Who-hash!  (Yes, Hogwarts DOES have Who-hash)
    
    Then he stuffed all the food in his parcel with glee.
    
    "And NOW!" grinned the boy, "I will tear down the tree!"
    
    And the prefect grabbed the tree, and he started to shove
    
    When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
    
    He turned around fast, and laughed to himself
    
    Little Harry Potter, who was not more than twelve. 
    
    Prefect had been caught off guard by this little chump
    
    Who'd got out of bed to go take a dump
    
    He stared at the Prefect and said, "Santy Claus, why,
    
    "Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"
    
    But, you know, that prefect was so smart and so slick
    
    He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
    
    "Why, my sweet little boy," the fake Santy Claus lied,
    
    "There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.
    
    So I'm taking it home to my workshop, see here.
    
    I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
    
    And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted his head
    
    And Harry relieved himself and went off to bed
    
    And when young Harry Potter went to bed when through,
    
    He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree through! 
    
    Then the last thing he took
    
    Was the log for their fire.
    
    Then he went through the picture himself, the crazy liar.
    
    On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire. 
    
    And the one speck of food
    
    The he left in the room
    
    Was a crumb that was even too small for…Scabbers who had escaped from his cage when no one was looking and was now hungry for a meal so that is why he was foraging about.
    
    Then
    
    He did the same thing
    
    To the other school houses
    
    Leaving crumbs
    
    Much too small
    
    For the other Scabbers who had escaped from their cages when no one was looking and were now hungry for a meal so that is why they were foraging about! 
    
    It was quarter past dawn...
    
    All the boys, still a-bed
    
    All the girls, still a-snooze
    
    When he packed up his sled,
    
    Packed it up with their robes! The scarves! The ties!
    
    The broomsticks! And the frogs! The posters! The cats! 
    
    "Woo-hoo for the Jews!" he was foolishly humming.
    
    "They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!
    
    They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
    
    Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
    
    The all the kids down in Hogwarts will all cry BOO-HOO!" 
    
    "That's a noise," grinned the prefect,
    
    "That I simply must hear!"
    
    So he paused. And the prefect put a hand to his ear.
    
    And he did hear a sound rising over the hall.
    
    It started in low. Then it started to grow...
    
    "WHERE ARE MY PRESENTS?!?!?!?!" bellowed Ron since he woke up extra early to open his presents.  Everyone got up and then started looking around and the Ravenclaw Prefect chuckled warmly to himself with his huge stack of stuff behind him.
    
    "Jewish pride!!" cheered the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Now you ALL know how I feel every Christmas!!"
    
    "So…it was you?" came Snape's voice from behind him.
    
    "No!  It was Aragog!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.
    
    "I was wondering why my stocking was empty." Said Snape as he held up a little stocking with the name 'Severus' in gold glitter across the top.
    
    "I took no part in this!" said Aragog as he took the horn off his head.
    
    "I'll have you know, Professor Snape, that these two are responsible for stealing Christmas!" said Percy as he rounded the corner with his sleepy hair.  Of course he had his sleepy hair, he just woke up!  HAW HAW HAW!!
    
    "I KNOW!!!" Snape yelled as he turned back to Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Why would you steal Christmas?"
    
    "Because I'm Jewish!" whined the Ravenclaw Prefect.
    
    "SO?!" yelled everyone.
    
    "No one said Happy Hanukah to me or gave ME a single present on Hanukah!" argued the Ravenclaw Prefect.
    
    "Well, even if you celebrated Christmas, we wouldn't have said Merry Christmas to you or even given you a Christmas present because you don't even have a name and the movie would have been exactly the same if you weren't in it so you would not have been missed." Said Percy.
    
    "Oh, so we're getting back to the fact that you have more lines again, are we?" groaned the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "And just because you have a distinguishable hairstyle…"
    
    "ENOUGH OF THIS!!!" HOLL-ered Snape.  "You will return all this stuff to all the common rooms and teachers and a million points will be taken from Ravenclaw."  Then he stomped away.
    
    "Thanks a lot, Prefect!" cried some first year Ravenclaws.  "Not only did you ruin Christmas but now we're down a million more points!"
    
    "Well…no one's wished me a Happy Hanukah yet!" the Ravenclaw Prefect reminded them.
    
    "Hanukah's over!" bellowed Percy.  "It ended more than three weeks ago!"
    
    "I feel so insignificant in this chapter." Said Aragog.  "Almost as if I did absolutely nothing.  Oh well!"

Then a Christmas jingle started playing as everyone froze and a black circle engulfed them.


	8. Mission 8: Hang a Coat Hanger On Profess...

Mission #8

Hang a Coat Hanger On Professor Snape's "Hook" Nose

So sorry for the delay.  As it seems, the Ravenclaw Prefect was temporarily suspended from Hogwarts for ruining Christmas and could not go on any adventures while he was explaining to his whole dishonored family why a PREFECT had been suspended.  Luckily, his position as Prefect was not stripped from him and he was given another chance thanks to the kind-hearted Professor Flitwick.  Good thing the Ravenclaw Prefect is not the SLYHERIN Prefect or Professor Snape SURELY would have given his Prefect duties to someone else.

As for Aragog, he hid out in the Forbidden Forest for a little while until all the hype died down and the Ravenclaw Prefect returned.  He can't very well complete any missions by himself now can he?!

So anyway, this part of the story starts at the station for the Hogwarts express.  The Ravenclaw Prefect is just getting off only to be greeted by his best friend, Aragog.

"You're back!" Aragog cheered as he bombarded the Ravenclaw Prefect with kisses and hugs and presents.  

"Thanks for the welcoming old buddy!" the Ravenclaw Prefect said happily.

"We got SO many new missions while you were gone and I'm willing to complete one tonight in honor of your return!" Aragog said as he pulled a sealed envelope out of his pocket.  (You know, from the spider pants he's wearing?  The kind with EIGHT legs?)

"I don't know, Aragog…" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "I don't want to get suspended again and have to explain to Mumsy and Dadoo why a Prefect was having such ghastly behavior." 

"Well, I'm sure that today's mission will be a mild one." Said Aragog as he handed the envelope to the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Whatever it is, it certainly can't be all that bad."

"I don't know…" said the Ravenclaw Prefect hesitantly.

"Please?" begged Aragog as he gave the Ravenclaw Prefect big spidery puppy dog eyes.  (Yes, all eight of them!)

"How can I say no to that face?" asked the Ravenclaw Prefect with a chuckle as he opened up the envelope.

"What does it say?" asked Aragog.

"Hm…" said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he put the paper in his pocket.  "Well, everybody knows that Professor Snape has a hook nose, right?"

"I think so…" said Aragog.  "I mean, it's always described that way."

"Well, does it hook up or does it hook down?" asked the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"I suppose you could just LOOK at it." Suggested Aragog.

"Yes but for those people who can't look at him, they are only left to imagine him with a nose that hooks downward or some horrible freak nose that hooks upward."

"What are you getting at?" asked Aragog.

"Well, today's mission is to hang a coat hanger on Professor Snape's upward hooking nose." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect excitedly.

"And that WON'T get you suspended?" asked Aragog sarcastically.

"One never knows." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"I think we should abandon this mission.  For your sake." Said Aragog.

"Aragog, are you a man or a mouse?!" demanded the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"Neither!" Aragog said.  "I'm a giant spider!"

"Well…GOOD!!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "To the Ravenclaw Common Room!  We must retrieve a coat hanger!"

And with that, the Ravenclaw Prefect ran off.

"Strange mood swings…" said Aragog as he skittered off like a giant spider.

A little while later, Aragog, the Ravenclaw Prefect and their coat hanger were sneaking out of the Ravenclaw common room.  They didn't really need to sneak out but they felt that it was more fun that way.

"I must say, this is the stupidest mission so far." Said Aragog.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" asked the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Now that I find something that I'm interested in and that might be mildly fun, you have to go and put me down like that?  Is that how it is, Aragog?"

"No, not at all!" said Aragog.  "It's just that…if we succeed…or even if we don't, we're still going to get in so much trouble.  All for NOTHING!!"

"Maybe nothing to YOU but I'll have you know that this is a very beneficial mission for me!"

"How so?" asked Aragog.

"Never you mind!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect as he peeked around the corner to see that, coincidentally, Professor Snape was walking around the down the hall.  "Are you with me, Aragog?"

"Until the end, Ravenclaw Prefect!" bellowed Aragog so loudly that it was surprising that Professor Snape didn't hear.

Then again, maybe he did.

"What is the meaning of this?!" demanded Professor Snape as he rounded the corner.  Then he saw that it was the Ravenclaw Prefect and Aragog.  "Ah… back I see.  If it had been up to me, you would have been suspended for far longer.  Or even better, expelled!"

"Well, what are you waiting for?" whispered Aragog to the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"You do it!" whispered the Ravenclaw Prefect as he thrust the coat hanger into Aragog's arms.  (Three of them perhaps.  He doesn't need all eight of them to hold a coat hanger but he figures that since he has more than a human, he might as well use them!)  

"Why me?" asked Aragog.

"Because you won't get punished." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"AHEM!!" bellowed Snape.

"Fine." Said Aragog.  "But you owe me."

Aragog leaned forward and hung the coat hanger on Snape's nose.  Since it hooks upward so freakishly, it stayed in place and only swung around as Snape tried to shake it off.

"I DEMAND TO KNOW THE MEANING OF THIS!!!" Professor Snape yelled so loud that all of Hogwarts shook.

Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect turned around and started running away as fast as they could.  They were almost at the Ravenclaw common room and they WOULD have gotten away (at least until Professor Snape brought this deed to the attention of some higher power) if not Percy had been standing there in front of a mirror trying to get his sleepy hair to fall nicely into place.  They both crashed into Percy and all three of them were sent flying.  Luckily, Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect landed on Percy so he cushioned their fall and they rode on him like a sled until the friction of Percy's body slowed down their momentum.

Since both Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect were unharmed, they quickly stood up, brushed themselves off and were just about to enter the Ravenclaw common room when the Ravenclaw Prefect stopped.

"No!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "That'll be the first place Snape'll look for us!"

"And where do you suggest we go?" asked Aragog.

"Somewhere that he'll never ever look." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "Somewhere like…the HUFFLEPUFF COMMON ROOM!!"

"YEAH!!" yelled Aragog as they both ran around a single corner to see the Hufflepuff Common Room right there.  "What's the password?"

"Um…say anything!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.  "It probably doesn't have a password since this place doesn't REALLY exist!"

"How about…Sonic the Hedgehog!" said Aragog.

"Sonic the Hedgehog?" asked the Ravenclaw Prefect with a raised eyebrow.  The Hufflepuff portrait (you get to pretend what it looks like) swung open and Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect entered.

Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect looked around to see Justin Finch-Fletchy, Amelia Earhart, the Linburg Baby, Jimmy Hoffa, Whitey Bulger, DB Cooper, Bigfoot, the Lochness Monster and Elvis.  Harry, Ron and Hermione were also in the center of the room doing something that they weren't supposed to be doing but they were ignored.

"We'll hide out in here until the heat dies down." Said Aragog.

"Maybe we can brew some sort of potion that will erase Professor Snape's memory." Said the Ravenclaw Prefect.

"And Percy's." said Aragog.

"Yeah…and Percy's…"

"Maybe that can be our next mission."


End file.
